13th Carp- Granola Parenting

With all these new parenting buzz words, you have options on how you actually want to raise your kids. I mean, do you want to do attached parenting? How about eco-friendly practices ? Or more homeopathic 'granola' treatment for kid problems such as teething. 

Well I don't know about all of that. I feel like how I parent is dictated by two over arching beliefs. 1) I'm cheap and 2) I'll give anything a whirl if it makes sense. 

The first thing that just made sense to me and appealed to my cheapskate-ness was breast feeding. I make it, its supply doesn't diminish until I start weening, and will always be adequate to feed my son. Plus it plays into a third, on the fringe, rule of mine- I'm lazy. You mean I don't have to prepare bottles, or go out to the store when I'm low on formula? Sign me up. Also, the health benefits James receives are huge and long lasting when given this great start to life. Finally, from what I've noticed, I was able to drop the baby weight pretty quickly after having him, another big bonus.  

The second thing that made sense to me was practicing baby carrying. I started with the Baby Buddha sling for when he was a new born and have now graduated to my Ergo. With James being so colicky, this provided an excellent opportunity for him to be near me but for me to have my hands free. Even if I was just sitting on the couch, the fact that my hands were not constantly supporting this growing little bundle was a huge relief. I got the sling in a lot of second hand items off of Kijiji and bought the Ergo from a liquidation store from eBay. Cheap- check. Making sense- check. 

But does that mean I'm a part of the super crazed 'post Time magazine article' attached parent group? Hmmm........

Next, I've been cloth diapering now for 3 months and I love it. I'm actually addicted to my go to brand of choice "AppleCheeks". They are a fantastic product which I was introduced to after my first attempt at cloth diapering, with another brand, failed miserably. This makes sense to me since I was seeing the huge increase in garbage diapering a little one caused. I hated that I was almost sending a bag a day roadside, filled with diapers that wouldn't decompose until James' children, children, children, children, children, children were long gone. My AppleCheeks are simply fantastic to use as they are very simple. Washing them is just a breeze. Not to mention, in the short time James was in disposables, he would have 'blow outs' at least once a day where his clothes would get stained permanently. In my AppleCheeks? I can count on my hand how many times they haven't been able to contain the messiest of messes. (Which I am pretty sure that it was a human error in putting them on.) Anyways, I digress. They fit the 'make sense' bill and the 'I am lazy' criteria as I don't have to ever worry about running out for an emergency box of Pampers. But how about the "I'm cheap" rule? Well, it is pretty expensive to start up your stash, for sure. However, disposable diapers now range between $30-$50 per box. Depending on how many you go through, I'd say my cloth diapers will still end up saving me around $1000 by the time James is potty trained. Cheap? I'd say so! 

But does that mean I'm an enraged eco-activist? Hmmmmm.....

Finally, homeopathic teething remedies. As noted in a previous blog entry, I believe there is major weight in alternative medicinal practices. These include homeopathy, naturopathy, acupuncture, and reiki just to name a few. If there is any way you can treat yourself without using medicine or having to constantly see a doctor, I would rather do that. I wanted to see what options were out there for James when teething came around and I was quickly recommended the amber teething necklace. Baltic Amber has been used for centuries in Europe as a remedy to teething and other problems surrounding pain. Basically, the amber is rich in succinic  acid which is released when worn next to the skin. The skin absorbs this acid which is used by the body as a pain reliever and anti-inflammatory. Awesome! Although James hasn't started cutting teeth yet, he does were his necklace 24/7. During the day, it's around his neck and over night I tie it around his ankle as a cool anklet. The science behind it makes sense to me. As does the fact that children have been teething for thousands of years and mothers must have been able to help their little ones through it before Children's Advil. In the long run, a $20 necklace is much cheaper than the bottles of Advil one child would go through to ease teething pain. Again, I wouldn't have to run to the store when it ran out. Check. Check. Check.

But does that mean that I'm completely anti-western medicine? Hmmm.... 

I think more than trying to identify with one group, or being labeled a certain type of parent, mothers and fathers should just do what makes sense, and keeps them sane, at the time. Regardless of what people think and how they perceive you. I know when I'm carrying James in his Ergo while he is rocking his amber necklace and fluffy cloth diapered bum, people might be sizing me up as "that type of parent". All the while, I'll be giggling to myself that I'm simply cheap, lazy and like things that make sense. 

What's your carp? 

12th Carp- 5KRace Runner ?

First of all, I am not a runner. If you ever meet me, you'll notice I'm definitely not built like a runner. To me, runners are slim and speedy. I'm more like the tortoise of the running world. Round, steady and if I fall onto my back, I won't be able to get back up again. 


But, when James was still baking I had this wild idea to run a 5K race three short months after he was born. I figured I would let myself heal for 6 weeks, until I get the go ahead from my doctor, and then I would start training. This was before the c-section, before James, before the crying and colic. When life post-baby was a vague future with me thinking I would be able to handle a new born and training all at the same time. I'm a woman right? We are pro's at multitasking. 


Well, needless to say, I didn't have any time to train. I spent my spare time napping with the occasional shower, not hitting the pavement. I would look at the calendar and realize that race day was fast approaching. I was already signed up and my mother-in-law was going to run with me. So I couldn't really back out, but I definitely wasn't looking forward to it. In fact, my Facebook status that day read: "Wow it's my first mothers day today! How am I celebrating ? 5 k run in Fredericton. Didn't train at all so it might turn into a 5k walk/ jog/ pass out at the finish line race." Oh... did I mention the race was on Mothers Day? My first mothers day and I might be spending it dead on my feet before reaching the finish line at 8:00 in the morning. Excellent. 


So we were getting ready. My mother-in-law by my side. She didn't train either so we had the game plan that we would run as much as we could and walk when we needed to. It's still an accomplishment if we finished, we thought. The gun went and we were off. I was running. I was running! I was running without shin splints that have plagued me for years, without my legs burning, without being short of breath. How on god's green Earth was I running without any pain/ problems at all when I've always struggled with run training? 


Then it dawned on me. I remembered all those nights I spent squatting, lunging, and consoling an inconsolable James. I had trained every night for the last 3 months! Just not on the roads or the trails, but in a 10X11 nursery. I felt great! I listened to 2 1/2 songs before my first 'break'. After a quick breather, we went at it again. In total, I think we probably ran 4 out of the 5 kilometers. Our time wasn't too bad either, considering, finishing the race after 37 minutes. Wow! Just wow! I was so proud of both of us. 

So now with James growing by leaps and bounds every day, I am actually going to dedicate some time to really get into race training. I even bought a running stroller so that I can take him along with me. I figured he helped me train for my first race, he should be with me while I continue my running journey. In fact, I have another race coming up in August that I want to challenge myself with. This time a 5 mile race which is about 8-ish kilometers. This is going to be more of a challenge, not only because of the increase in length, but also because the course itself has more hills. However, it doesn't matter. After that day, I know I can do it and I'm going to do it. Will I ever be a running enthusiast? Probably not. But I am definitely looking forward to crossing that off my bucket list. 


What's your carp? 

11th Carp- Motherhood survival

At first I thought I would be able to blog about my experience becoming a mother. I wanted to share the ups and downs from water breaking to cesarean birth. But luckily for me, I don't really need to write about that since Jon has done such a great job here:  http://attemptatliving.ca/

Now it's been almost three months since James has entered this world. Three wonderful, terrifying, challenging, and life changing months. Jon and I thought we knew what we were getting ourselves into heading down the road to parenthood but in reality, we had no idea. There was no book, no piece of advice, nothing that could have prepared ourselves for this journey. Although, leading up to it, I did feel better reading these "How to books" but like I have found in teaching, baby birthing and raising theory and practice never go hand in hand.

It's a minefield becoming a mother. I have grown in ways that I never knew were possible and have realized that patience is something I have in abundance. Which three and a half months ago I would have never believed it. I think that men and women both have this huge learning curve when it comes to turning on that parental switch. Both have our challenges and both have our rewards. The best way I have heard it explained is through this TED talk : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12OAr0lt4bk

Rufus and Alisa, in 17 minutes talk, us through the 4 facts of parenthood that we never can admit and why we should. I could really identify with all four and recommend and soon to be parents (or seasoned vets) to take a listen of what they have to say. The one that really struck a cord with me was loneliness. I felt such a deep routed loneliness throughout the days being home with James and not knowing what to do to care for this little baby. I went through weeks where I just cried all the time. I felt like I couldn't handle what I had signed up for and that it wasn't going to get any better. Feeling all of this, I knew I needed to break down my 'reach out for help' wall which I have kept in really good shape for the better part of my life. Perspective mothers out there, if you are like me, learn to suck it up early and get as much help as you can from as many different people/ sources as you can. Pick up the phone and call anyone that has even the tiniest understanding to what you are going through and call them often. For me, I knew I was just treading water but I still would be very reluctant to reach out to people. Luckily, I have a great support system and one who knew my tricks all too well and they would check in on me to chat. Once I started the conversation, I would just pour my heart out and I would feel so much better.

I would also like to add another fact to their list. Jealousy. James was such a mess as a newborn. I was so completely and utterly jealous of parents that could take their newborn anywhere. These 'perfect' babies, you know the type, would just be happy sitting in their car seat sleeping away or just looking around as if to say "I know I'm the cutest thing around". James on the other hand would cry himself hoarse for hours upon hours. We couldn't go anywhere or do anything without the cries following us there.We would rock him, sooth him, hold him, bounce with him, do lunges/ squats, sing and sometimes, when we just needed a break, put him in his crib and walk away. It was awful. I would just watch the clock tic to 10, 11, 12, 1 and on wards thinking "there is no possible way you have enough energy to go on".  Anyone who has had a baby like this, deemed 'colicky', needs a medal. It's the hardest thing you can ever go through. The one blessing is that James didn't care who was holding him, he didn't have a preference for Jon and I, so we were able to get some breaks by passing him to those brave individuals who wanted to take on 'the dragon'. (A nickname James acquired during these weeks)

Another thing I was jealous of was Jon. Mothers have their lives completely turned upside down. Their needs/ wants/ desires take a back seat to this little (crying) bundle of joy. Fathers, although they have their own challenges to work through, just don't have the same paradigm shift. I would look at Jon and life seemed to be as usual with him working out, playing xbox, making plans for future school Europe trips, getting full nights sleep and so on. We have talked about my jealousy because it was fast turning into resentment. And resentment is a hop, skip and a jump away from much more troublesome feelings. Plus with a baby like James, we need to be a solid unit to provide and care for him. But I think that most mothers, at one point or another, have these feelings of jealousy towards their partners. Again, my advice is to talk through it. Don't let it fester because nothing good will come out of that.

I would like to point out for perspective parents is that some people will have you believe that certain milestones will come and once they do, life will get easier. Well I waited for each of these milestones with bated breath, crossing off the days on the calendar, and crossing my fingers in hopes they would be right. In short, people are liars. They do it just to give you enough hope to carry on. Here is my breakdown of those supposed 'life will get better' turning points.

6 weeks- Although you might be feeling better at this point, your baby is still a mess. Most babies hit their fussiness peak around this time. Life will still be a tornado but at least you can look in the mirror and not be confused from the reflection. You are starting to look a little more like yourself.

8 weeks- "Oh after those two months, babies will start sleeping longer. You might even get a full nights rest". Again, liars. Hopefully by this time your baby will start realizing when nighttime is and daytime. If you are lucky enough for this to happen then you *might* get more hours of sleep during the night. But these 'more hours of sleep' are stints of 4-5 hours straight.

12 weeks- The people who told me it gets better after three months have been the most truthful out of everyone that gave me advice. Thank you for that, fellow pioneers in truth-telling when it comes to children. James is doing much better in terms of crying. He is smiling more. He is getting on a routine for naps and sleeping is not a fight most nights. He is interacting with the world around him. All of those things help get you through the day as little rewards to 'good parenting behaviour'.

However, he still isn't sleeping through the night and when he starts crying, he can shatter eardrums. But it is better. And if I were to ever give out advice, I would say that at the three month mark things start to really turn around. Although, looking back, it was a long hard road to get to this point, I'm glad I am finally here. Soon he will be cutting teeth and eating solids so I am going to enjoy this time as much as I can.


What's your carp?

10th Carp- Creativity and Art

Hello All!

Well I have officially started my mat leave. Actually, I officially started my mat leave two weeks ago but it's funny how you can fill up spare time with lots of things to do. For some reason, blogging right at the beginning didn't occur to me. However, since Baby Standring is still stubbornly cocooned, not really interested in coming out, I thought that I would try for my last blog post that will probably not have anything to do with kids/ my kids/ parenting/ family etc.

My mat leave started earlier than I had originally planned. I wanted to go to the end of first semester so that my replacement could jump in and start their own thing the beginning of second semester. Funny thing about plans, they usually never go according to what you wanted in the first place. During Christmas Vacation I developed severe pain, weakness, and tingling in my hands. So much so I couldn't hold utensils the right way, drive, open anything, type or write. I was concerned with the state of my hands, thinking these two appendages are probably going to be pretty important in the next few months and need to be in top working condition. My doctor told me that some women develop pregnancy induced Carpal Tunnel due to the extra fluid in your body. Although not common, it is not unheard of either. I was prescribed two very stylish, personally made, wrist braces to see if that would make things better.

Well it did make the tingling go away, for the most part. The pain and weakness would get better with time. But I was still concerned about driving 30 minutes each way to work (in the winter where conditions can change within hours) without having the dependability of my hands. So I started mat leave early, cut out the drive back and forth, wore the braces, and miraculously my hands have been getting better day by day. It gave me an insight to what people with arthritis and constant carpal tunnel have to go through everyday to function. I now say that I have complete respect for you ladies and gentlemen after living it, and still living it as they aren't exactly healed yet. It's awful not being able to do the things you enjoy because of the pain radiating from your hands which you just can't stop.

So what have I been doing with my spare time? Well.... getting back to an old friend and love of mine. Art. I have always had an artsy brain since I was very young which my mother encouraged. She would buy me new drawing pencils, water colours, paint brushes etc for presents to keep my interest going with some pretty good quality art supplies. (I still have my first set of professional drawing pencils I was given at the age of 12.) She would praise my work and critique what I could do to make my paintings and drawings better. Although she never was an 'artist' she does have a great eye for what is aesthetically pleasing and gave me ideas to accomplish this in my work. She would even sign me up for different art classes to gain some knowledge about the mediums I was using and techniques to bring to my work. What an awesome mom!

As I grew older, entered high school, art was pushed aside for things that would get me into University and secure my success in life. So long paint brushes, hello physics- kind of thing. This was a trend that would continue for many years, sadly, as there just wasn't enough time in the day to be creative. However, every few years I would take some time to return to my artistic side, give into it, and become a creating machine. I took time in the later part of university to do an Oil Course, take Fine Art credits, and really allow myself some artistic time. Looking back, I probably should have tried to do a double major in History and Fine Arts. It would have made the whole of my university career that much more enjoyable.

So now, with time on my hands like I never had before and with the encouragement of my husband who, for the exception of one of my pieces, really enjoys my work, I thought that it was time to get creating again. I mean.... I am passively creating life inside me maybe I can turn this into being a participant for creation through new techniques and artwork? Now with the internet and a plethora of materials, courses, and information at your finger tips, I could take courses from home that could challenge my style and teach me new techniques.

Thus I was introduced to the Strathmore Online Art Series Workshops! Free of charge I was able to get a new lesson every week for the month of January. The workshop was a multimedia course designed to loosen artists up, and be more free with their painting. The artist, Traci Bautista, guided her students to create using doodles, layers, mantras, and a whole pile of different print making techniques. I was in LOVE! This completely went hand in hand with my more impressionistic style of painting while showing me how to mix media to create pieces that I have always been envious about.

I had the drive... I had the desire... I had the time... and the materials.... and the online course... but my stupid hands would not co-operate with allowing me to paint for more than 30 minutes at a time. I usually am unstoppable when I start a new piece. I will sit for hours and hours until it is completed. So the fact that I had to start and stop was very frustrating. The only positive thing that came out of it was that I really had to wait for some layers to dry before continuing with the piece. If I would have plowed right through it, I would have created muddy pieces without any depth or life because the different mediums would have just mixed together. It also gave me time to reflect about where I was heading with each piece and I turned artwork that I thought I would hate, into prints that I absolutely love. Apparently, it pays to be patient and stick with it. You never know what the next layer is going to bring out.

So my carp for everyone today is to get back to something creative that you enjoy. Something that you have been putting off because of time constraints or thinking that it just doesn't fit with your lifestyle anymore. Whether it be writing, knitting, crocheting, painting, drawing, woodcarving, scrapbooking, t-shirt dying... ANYTHING! It's good for your soul to be able to express itself through something you create with your hands.

What's your carp?

9th Carp- Carp Fishing Has Been Good

Hey All,

I can't believe it's been so long since I have last blogged. We have had a very busy 7 ish months to say the least. Really, I have been out seizing so many carps that all that blogging just got away from me.

The first carp, which I'm very happy to report, is expectant motherhood! After our miscarriage in the spring, we were lucky enough to conceive again a month or so later. For awhile, I did gain the nickname "Fertile Myrtle" which was fine since I was in such a state of shocked bless. Since then my belly has grown to a healthy round basketball and the journey from a little bean to a full fledged baby has been incredible. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that in 7 weeks or less, the little mystery alien growing inside of me will be in this world, but I am looking forward to it.

My pregnancy experience has been a rather boring one. Other than the aforementioned growing belly, I have had virtually little, to no symptoms. I guess I have mom to thank for the lack of morning sickness, crazy middle of the night cravings, and other various unpleasant side effects to growing a baby. And for that I say: THANKS MOM FOR THE AWESOME GENES! The only difference between us has been that it took her 4 months to realize that she was pregnant with me, I on the other hand have known about this little monkey for quite a long time. :) Now let's just hope that I have the same labour experience, in and out over a lunch hour. Cross my fingers!

Some of the most interesting milestones between little bean and full fledged squirming baby have been:

~ Hearing the heart beat for the first time... and second time... and third time.... etc. It's just so surreal to hear two sets of hearts pumping in rhythm. One loud thud, thud, thud, and another softer swoosh, swoosh, swoosh. It makes that positive home pregnancy test a reality and puts a stupid grin on your face that you can't get rid of for hours after hearing it.

~Going to our 20 week ultrasound. Although, ladies, I have to say that for this appointment the person who is going to get the best show is your husband. The monitor is right at your head so you have to kind of extend your neck as giraffe like as possible, to turn and get a good look at anything. Although, I fell in love with all the images that came on the screen, I felt like my scientific brain took over from my emotional brain. It was just so incredible seeing the different parts of their body and playing the "can I figure out what I'm looking at before the tech tells me" game. The highlights were seeing the parts of the heart pumping away, the brain cavity with growing super intelligent brain (obviously) and the perfect little line of vertebrae presented in a nice curve. Although Jon and I wanted to know what the sex was, as soon as I saw the femurs, I knew Baby Standring was going to remain a mystery until delivery. Those little legs were crossed and wrapped right into their belly. No cooperation was to be had even after trying to get them to move. We were disappointed at first not knowing, but since then have completely enjoyed the mystery of whether it's a boy or a girl. I think it's going to make their big reveal so much more special. Thank you little baby Standring for reminding your mom and dad that sometimes it's better to have patience and wait for surprises!

~Reading the book "Confessions of a Slacker Mom" before picking up the book "What to Expect when You're Expecting". Although, I wouldn't recommend this to future mothers as their order to read baby literature because I realized that some of the things that were making me uncomfortable and it hard to sleep were explained in the second book and could be easily avoidable. For instance, apparently it's a bad idea to drink caffeinated beverages at night because your body takes longer to process that caffeine, making it impossible to sleep. Also, because your body is already working at a higher temperature, hot baths are a no no because it takes longer to cool down. OH------ And you probably shouldn't do those two things together, right before bed, if you expect to sleep at all. Just saying. So future moms, I do encourage you to read both books but maybe reverse the order for it to be really beneficial for your entire pregnancy. LOL 

Now since I am in full third trimester land, the pressure has been placed to make sure that little baby Standring has a nice set up and two very prepared parents. Well, prepared on the outside, but on the inside freaking out that we will have no two clues where to even start. But luckily, I subscribe fully to the motto "Fake it until you make it". I'm already anxiously awaiting for our first major screw up. I hope that it will be a hilarious story that I will be able to share with our child someday. What's great to know is that we can look to our own parents for 'screw up inspiration'. I mean if Mom, Mike and Nancy had times where, let's say, Jon fell out of his car seat, landing on his head and I spent hours in front of a TV watching Frosty the Snowman so I'd stay out of trouble ... and we turned out just fine and they turned into the best parents in the world. I'm sure we will be able to screw up and still be pretty awesome parents as well.

Until next time....



What's your carp?

8th Blog- Phases of Life

As as high school teacher, I see it every year around this time with graduates who are anxiously waiting to receive their high school diplomas, put on their prom dresses/ tuxes, and participate in all those final rituals that end one phase of life. I look across the stage and I see students who may, or may not, be ready to taste the real world. However, it doesn't matter whether I think they are prepared, after a walk towards the podium, a shake of the hand, and a farewell speech by the valedictorian they are on their way. Usually I do shed a tear to see them go, I hope that their lives are filled with more happiness than sadness, more success than failures. But funny enough, it does make on reflect on their own life, the phases I've gone through and where I am now. 


So the phases that I have gone through: 
  The university drunk/ party go-er phase 
  The single after a long term relationship phase 
  The proving I'm completely different from my mother phase 
  The rebel phase 
  Roommate/ living on my own phase 
  The string of dating people bad for me phase 
  The "Wake up and start doing well" phase
  Graduating from University phase (1st degree) 
  Learning who my true friends are phase 
  Self-Discovery Phase 
  Graduating from University phase (2nd degree) 
  Becoming an adult phase (complete with life insurance and RRSP's) 
  Starting my profession phase 
  Knowing what I deserve from a partner and finding it phase 
  Knowing what I want out of life phase 
  Marriage / Homeowner phase 




All in all, I have gone through many phases/ stages of life. For the most part I have really enjoyed the last 10 years since high school, appreciate the journey I have traveled, and embrace the person I am today. Creating this list of phases really helps to show how much I have matured, how far I have come from those days when I thought I knew everything and could do no wrong. The best part of this life is there are always new phases on the horizon. A new goal, a new experience, a different test to help shape me and prepare me for the next stage of life. The future is the most exciting part of our existence. It is the unknown, filled with possibilities for us to do better, love more, achieve more, and be happy. And to be on the cusp of late twenties/ early thirties, I'm enjoying this vast 'question mark' time period. I have already done the hard leg work through my previous phases.... self-discovery, love, profession. Now I get to enjoy the fruits of all that labour and continue my phases of adult-hood, newlyweds, and new homeowners. The next stages of life could be mother, world traveler, educational research, master's degree.... anything!


So in short, the carp I am seizing today is phases of life. The ones I have accomplished, the ones I'm on the road of working towards accomplishing, and the ones yet to come. Thank you graduates for reminding me how important it is to appreciate the end of each phase and to taste the excitement of the next one.




What's your carp? 

7th Carp- Bouncing Back

Hello All! 


First I have to apologize for my absence in the Weight Watcher world. I have been totally ignoring my weight loss journey and in the process have gained back 5 pounds in the last couple of weeks. Or at least I hope it's only 5 pounds, I haven't checked in a couple of days so it could be more. 


Anyways, the reason I have been absent is because I have been on an emotional roller coaster with my personal life. About a month ago, my husband and I received terrific news, we were pregnant! Hooray! I have been off birth control for almost two years but we weren't trying to conceive until recently. We couldn't believe our good fortune and were ecstatic with starting our pregnancy journey. Unfortunately, we only had two weeks of bliss until I started spotting, which turned into bleeding, which turned into a trip to the hospital and confirmation of a miscarriage. As stated in previous blogs, I am a teacher, as is my husband, so unfortunately I had to go to the hospital alone on a Wednesday morning.(He couldn't get the time off from school) After a painful examination, and even a more painful diagnosis, I sat in my car crying for over an hour before I was composed enough to start the 30 minute drive home. It was an early miscarriage so the doctor gave me hope that we could start trying right away, or whenever we were emotionally ready. 


I stayed home for the remainder of the day, letting my body go through the process, sleeping, and watching some comforting movies. (Thank you Disney :) ) Unfortunately I couldn't take more than 1 day to mourn my loss since classes were awaiting, exchange students were coming in a matter of days for a week of activities, and I had to plan for a supply for the week I was away. I feel like the stress of my professional life really impacted the direction my pregnancy took. Because of this, I was detached for the week's exchange, and resentful towards the program. I was so happy to see them get back on that bus and return to Quebec while I could go home and go back to my normal life. 


Now, I am in a better place. I have been getting more work done at school, winding down the year and making sure all my goals have been met. I have had a teaching evaluation which I am pretty sure I did well on. And although I still don't know if I have a job for next year, emotionally I am in a much better place. I am looking forward to the summer months so that I can shed these layers of responsibility and get back to putting me first. This is something I have forgotten over this semester which needs to be rectified. 


My game plan from now onwards is getting back to tracking my food, checking up on my WW community, and making sure that I don't fall into emotional eating traps. I am also going to schedule an hour each night, no matter how busy I am before exams to ask myself what it is that I want to do. Maybe it's reading, maybe it's blogging, maybe it's painting or journaling or maybe it's just sitting and staring out the window. But for that hour, my time is going to be my time. 


Hopefully with this switch of turning all of my energy inwards, instead of directing it outwards, I'll become more balanced emotionally and physically. Then, perhaps, we might get blessed with another miracle that will be healthy and feel safe, wanted, and well looked after. I know now it's hard to be a vessel for another living thing when you are not putting your own needs, wants, desires, and health first. 






What's your carpe?