I can't believe it's been so long since my last blog. However, this is the only spare moment that I have had in weeks. So I thought that the best thing I could do with my time is reflect on a Carp that I am working towards. This carp is forgiveness. 

Sometimes forgiveness seems like it's an easy thing to give. A simple "no problem" when someone is late for a meeting or interrupts a conversation. Other times, forgiveness seems almost impossible to utter. Something that a person will pretend to contemplate for weeks, months, and in the worse cases years and decades. 

Why do people sometimes avoid giving forgiveness? Do they, perhaps, feel like they have to keep a hold of the anger/ hurt because if they let it go they are conceding defeat? Then if they let go of the negative emotion, do these people feel like they 'lost' the battle and the person that hurt or upset them was in the right? 

Like most people, I have two families; paternal and maternal. At an early age my parents divorced and I was able to see the differences between these two families and how they dealt with one another. One, my mother's side, was tight nit, accepting, upfront with one another, and moved on when arguments or differences arose. The other side, my father's, would see family members estranged because of things they have said. The family ran as a dictatorship. Grudges would dig themselves into the very core of some family members and caused unrepairable damage. I couldn't understand how different these two family units functioned. From what I could see the only apparent difference was how they chose to give, or not give, forgiveness. 

Since I was a young girl, I have had an extremely strained relationship with my father. There are facts that I can not deny. He was/is a drunk. He would/does disappear for months and years on end. He would cut himself off from part, or all, of his family. I can't remember the last time he called me on my birthday. I don't know where he is living. I don't have a number to contact him. Lastly, he knows my phone number and doesn't use it, nor does he want to contact me.

However, no matter what he has done to me and how he has chosen to be a father there is no point in letting my sadness take over into anger and contempt. I've seen what that type of behaviour can do to a person and this is not a road I wish to explore. This doesn't mean that I am a Saint and can avoid the temptation of anger on my own. With the help of my homeopath, I am learning to once and forever stop the cycle of dysfunction when it comes to that side of my family. I'm going to make sure that his actions and inactions no longer affect me. I'm working to ensure that I feel complete forgiveness towards him. Only by embracing this forgiveness will I be truly free from him/ their hold. 

Once I reach this stage, I'm looking forward to the energy that I can put into other parts of my life and the positivity I can surround myself with. So... if forgiveness ultimately unbinds us of our anger/ hurt/ hatred so that we can move on, why is it so hard for some people to give? 

What's your Carp?